Motherhood Challenges

A colleague has been arguing with a friend and I about how our mothers suffered and how mothers of today have it easy.

My question to us all is “Do we have it easy?”

We still wake up early in the morning to get everyone ready and on their way to school and work.

We sit in the offices with the same fathers. WE contribute as much as they do for the upkeep of the home. We get home and make sure there is food to eat.

During our mothers’ time, most homes either had a househelp or a relative living with them at home to help out with the chores.

Lately no one wants his or her child to live with another person and we learnt lessons from our mothers about househelps. No one wants to risk going for one nowadays.

Secondly our parents used to live in a communal way, where other kids played with their kids and this gave mothers ample time to concentrate on their house chores.

Nowadays everyone stays in his or her home(flat), we are even scared to allow our kids go out to play with the number of posts we see on daily basis about kids gone missing. A mother therefore has to juggle her house chores with caring for her child. No wonder most parents are now only having 2 kids.

We may have gadgets like the washing machine, which are helping to make life a bit easier on one hand, however we also face challenges of our own. Even our mothers agree that raising a child in these times are harder on new mothers.

I am always tired on Mondays simply because of the chores I take care of on weekends. The hours we spend in traffic alone on weekdays communing to work makes it impossible for us to handle any chore on weekdays.

We get home very late and try to get the kids to bed and wake up early rushing to get to work. The weekends are supposed to be spent with our families, however we end up cooking and cleaning missing out on quality family time.

So when I hear men say that our mothers really had it tough, I agree but mothers of today equally have our fair share of challenges which are in many ways different from what our mothers experienced but still challenges nonetheless.

Salifa

Joys of Motherhood

Image result for famous quote of motherhood

We got home almost 2am after the 31 December 2018 watchnight service. My daughter was already fast asleep, unfortunately I ended up sleeping after 2am.

Barely after a few hours of sleep I was rudely woken up by my shadow (which is my daughter-simply because she follows me everywhere).

My daughter has this annoying way of waking one up which she learnt somewhere, I really do not know where. ‘Mummy wakey wakey’ then she follows up with ‘mummy wake up’. From experience I’ve learnt to wake up when asked to or risk having my eyelids pried open by tiny sharp fingers.

I got up and prepared her a cup of milo which she gulped down within minutes. I on the other hand brewed water to take a cup of Lipton.

I started drinking mine after she was done with hers, she asked to have a sip of my tea. I actually told her it was hot then my madam tried to look into my cup and at that very moment SHE SNEEZED right into my cup.

I sat looking at her for a minute then she said ‘mummy dwink’. I simply burst out laughing, the innocence on her face was enough.

I know we all have our moments in life. Life can really get unbearable sometimes but try to remember some of these things, they make life tolerable and worth living.

Our kids are blessings from God and they make the burden of this world lighter.

Leave a comment of a time your child did something and didn’t even have a clue about what he/she had done.

Salifa

SHOES

Shoe 1

As we all know being a mother comes with a lot of blessings, sacrifices and compromises. One of the things I had to compromise was my love for shopping (cloths and shoes to be precise) I simply looovvveeee them.

I used to browse through shops trying on clothes and shoes, I always ended up buying more than I budgeted for. I know most ladies can relate.

It all came to an end right after my daughter was born, I seem to never have time to do the things I used to love, so I decided to shop online. Bought a few cool stuffs online, even bought some really cool and cheap shoes.

Then it got to my head and I decided to shop for my daughter’s shoes online.

They were terrible.

All mothers out there who simply love to shop like I do can relate to what I’m about to talk about. No one really tells you or do we simply choose not to think about the fact that once you become a mother wearing high heels becomes somehow a no go area when we are single? Yes we can still wear some heels, the 2 & 3 inches but those 6 inches become a no go area.

I remember getting an invite to a friend’s wedding once and I sat planning what to wear (Yes ladies actually do that). I got so excited about a new shoe I was going to wear then I suddenly remembered my daughter, there was no one to take care of her and I simply refused to take her with me( please don’t think I don’t like going out with my daughter). Attending programs in general with a toddler is so stressful.

Apart from her crying and saying mummy uuuumm(mummy I’m hungry) and her running around and having you chasing after her. You simply can’t be yourself.

My husband also had an engagement that day and since automatically the woman is responsible for the child. There seems to be this unwritten rule that says that the woman gets saddled with the child in such situations, I simply forfeited the wedding. I couldn’t imagine wearing my dress with any of the 2 or 3 inches I had and could not also imagine carrying my toddler in my 6 inch heels. Plus me running after her each time she decided to get into mischief.

So I stayed home and hoped my friend wouldn’t notice my absence. Caring for my daughter makes me appreciate my mother who had to care for four of us alone at a point when my dad was travelling. Not forgetting my stubborn older brother (he knows himself).

Fathers, we need you to lend a helping hand not once in a while but on regular basis. We work with you in the same offices, we both get tired after work and when we get home you expect us to take care of the kids and take care of the home at the same time. I guess it’s about time you helped us, some are doing a great job( my husband inclusive).Those helping out please spread the word to your other male friends who aren’t to also help their wives out. Most men say that’s what they grew up witnessing but in those days most mothers were housewives. The situation has changed now.

Back to my heels. To my single female friends out there wear all the heels now because once you start popping you may have to restrict wearing of your lovely high heels to the office.

Salifa.

My Daughter

A lot has happened since my last post but our struggles in life are meant to make us better individuals.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

What I’m about to share is very dear to me. When I found out I was pregnant I hoped it would be a boy. My wish even before then had always been to have only boys. But God blessed me with one beautiful and delightful girl and I thank him every day for her. She always makes my day after a hard day’s work. I have nothing against girls since I’m a girl myself.

My main reason for not wanting a girl was both due to what I had experienced and witnessed growing up and what I am still witnessing.

When I was between 5 and 6 years I was almost molested (this conclusion is drawn from how my friends and I were being treated by one grown up male). I don’t remember much about that time but this seems to be stuck in my memory. Fortunately we moved from that neighbourhood and town altogether. I am very sure some of the friends or at least one of the friends I left behind was molested.

Someone may ask why I’m talking about all this. My cousin wasn’t so lucky she was raped at the age of 12 without her knowing of the act till she was 7 months pregnant. This act was by a relative living in the same house with her. He gave her a sweet (toffee) and after taking it she fell asleep. They were alone at home that day. So he took advantage of her whiles she was asleep. She woke up to see blood but thought it was her monthly blood flow. 7 months later she complained of tummy ache and was taken to the hospital. That was when she found out she was pregnant but didn’t know how it happened. Her mother actually reminded her of that day since she told her about the blood flow that stopped after flowing for just a day. She asked her to narrate what happened. You can imagine how a 12year old would feel after being told she was pregnant and not knowing she had even been raped in the first place.

Recently on the radio I heard an 8year old girl had been molested by her male teacher, this drew my attention to my daughter and I asked myself these questions. How do I keep her safe? How do I protect her from this world? As parents we can’t be everywhere with our children, so my question is how do we keep them safe at all times.

These things have a lasting effect on children and the family entirely. Till date my cousin is still traumatised.

So my question is how can we stop these things from happening?

Salifa

A concerned mother.

#Motherhood Cont….

I am back at it. I just want to thank all those who left comments. It was great hearing from everyone. An old school mate shared her story which both motivated and scared me at the same time. She quit her job to take care of her kids, which is something I have always wished I could do but too scared to actually take the initiative.

If you live in Accra I believe you share my ordeal. I wake up very early and I have to wake my now 23 month old daughter at 5:30am. Yes 5:30am, I believe some of you are calling me names by now. I always have this squeeze at my heart whenever I have to wake her up, so I leave that to my husband. He seems to be okay with the burden of having to wake her up that early.

Traffic is insane in Accra and it’s very expensive to rent an apartment in town so most of us live quite a distance from our work places. There are no trains to ease the traffic. I will say my husband and I are quite fortunate to own a car.

Most people board public transports as early as 5:00am with their kids.(Torture right?). I never thought much about it till I had my daughter. We had to take her to school when she was 8 months old  mainly because my mum who had been caring for her fell ill. She was later diagnosed of cancer(Multiple myeloma) of which she died some months later.

My husband and I then had to find a solution which was to take her to a school near our work places so we could pick her up early from school.

But lately i’m beginning to wonder if it’s all worth it. The irony of it all is that I actually love my job, don’t know why though but I know I do. The first time a colleague heard me say it he was quite surprised.

So this puts me in a very difficult position, but I hope with time I make the best decision. I have spoken to a couple of mothers out there and I know one way or another we all have our challenges.

Let’s share ideas and find best ways of handling both family and work.

salifa_theyoungmother

Salifa

#Motherhood

I am a 30+ old mother, happily married with a little girl and trust me I do have my days.

Some are so wonderful I feel blessed to be a mother, others get me so tired and frustrated at the same time I wonder why I got married in the first place.

Motherhood now is a three (3) in one (1) job; one has to have a very good job to contribute to the upkeep of the family, be a great mother to her kids and a hardworking and sexy wife all at once.

If you are a young mother reading this post, I bet you are in the same boat I find myself.

My 22 month old daughter woke me up at 3:30 am this dawn to drink water and I changed her diaper afterwards. Whiles changing her diaper I noticed her body was ‘warm to the touch’ I gave her a pain killer, held her for a while and put her to bed.

By then it was almost 5am and I had to get ready for work.

Wondering how effective I’m going to be at work today.

Would love to hear from other mothers, please feel free to share your experiences.

Salifa.

Life

During marriage counselling one is never told how difficult it is to raise kids and and be a career woman at the same time and expect to excel at both.

One of the two will definitely suffer. Here I am trying to thrive on both but deep down I know it’s almost impossible. How do I raise my kids? I want to be part of their upbringing especially at the early stages and not leave that to society and strangers to bring them up  the best way they can.

My children deserve the best. Can anyone help me find a balance between the two for I am more than confused.